Yippitty Skippitty Do

Well now, lets just see.
Another year...wow that just sucked.

I've decided to share a bit of my prose, which will make its rounds and end up in some book that will never gain me credit but will get paid for, all on account of one of my wonderfully e-penned yet jaunty outcries; man people really suck the life out of you, don't they?
Ps. Reader: I've started my day with far too much speed, in an conceited and vanity-filled attempt to mentally time travel back to a time when I did things in a snap pop & crackle fashion...back when things would surround me with mad static

The amount of what there is... is... unimaginable yet we chase or regret.
With that all being stated: here we go my friends, just a tiny taste:

I fucking despise Harley owners.
Whats worse is when they have a bunch of
stupid shit attached...flags and stuffed animals, ribbons and
fucking stickers to tell me how
me how many rallies they've been to, or what chapter of the retarded club that
makes them feel better about not actually achieving the "James Dean... I'm a bad ass, no really look at me" fantasy... the one that made them want one in the first place.

So all lets gather around and look at the shinny two wheeled
fact that I have a fat wife, little dick,2.5 bratty kids and I just got a 5% raise after my annual review at the life draining sheeple job I begrudgingly drag my ass to every day...
"Oh wow..are they the new grip warmers?..oh the 09 model?... Wow"
"Look at my I'd like to fuck my wifes sister chrome trimed ferring...nice"
"Are those the I wish I had actually done anything but this with my life spokes?"
"Back up brother...that looks like 8 coats of high gloss triple dip candy apple red, you blow knuckle juice over the neighbors Queen of the Corn Husker harvest 19 year old, that you saw in the local rag....It is"

Just ride to ride.

In the immortal words of G.C
"Chilly aint never been cool"

Ok the SoCo is starting to talk to me
UP08!!

Aint he so cute?

Well its been exactly 3 years to the day when CBT has inspired many and scolded few.
Here I sit again listening to German Streaming Techno...well, let's not say again but rather for the first time.
Looking back at the 1st post that I made, I still agree with my believes. That's good right? So lets see what all has happened (and Yes I have been drinking and eating things...little roundy things)

Made peace.
Moved a bunch, about to embark again.

The real reason behind this is that I find drinking and writing to go hand in bottle...

Ok maybe since this is making less and less sense I should stop, and start again.
But since you know about it, please raise a glass and say happy happy for CBT and Me.

Outside of living, I aint ever did anything for 3 years....
till now...

Ok more drinks

D

Hell Finally Does It !!!

In a startling new turn of events global warming and polar ice have somehow begun to coexist.

In the lazy town of St. Petersburg Florida quite an extraordinary anomaly has occurred. Both record high temperatures and polar ice caps have begun to form. Satellite imagery (shown below) proves the existence of both extremes of the thermodynamic range at the same time.

Local Meteorologist’s are stunned by this wild turn of events. And most will offer no reasonable explanation, until more information has been gathered. The entire scientific community is in awe of this spectacular event.
Many of the area churches have begun holding 2 nightly masses and emergency candle light sermons.

Oddly enough the source of the extraordinary freezing temperatures has been linked to a major electricity surge that occurred around 12:00pm Tuesday June 18, 2008.






Peter M Scott III: Progress Energy Executive Vice President & Chief Financial Officer:
"We are not sure what caused the rolling black outs, however when can say that we have localized it to one area of St. Pete’, directly surroundinga Retirement Community just off of 1st street."














Click on photo for a closer look of where authorities believe the disturbance to have originated from.









St. Petersburg Florida Mayor Rick Baker

was overheard saying “this is just another phase of global warming and to just sit back and enjoy our many local attractions.. and to let the local officials sort out the details”


What ever the cause of this current situation, we here at CBT think that when all is said and done that there will be one man to blame for this, who that is well...that has been yet to be determined.

So until next time, one bit of advice for all you Floridians out there...Pull out your shorts and put on your parkas!

WHO YOU CALLING PSYCHO?!?!?

As most of you know I can be a pretty seriously funny drunk, along with a pretty fall down funny drunk. I miss most of what I remember and what people tell me makes even less sense. I wish I could remember half of what I tell people. I hear it sometimes, comes back to me in weird ways, mostly... I am expected to remember what I've said...Well people I think that is plain Phooey! And I wont have it. With all that said, I leave you with this. I webbed my call sign and this is what it came up with. I wish the world was different...sorta like when I'm drunk..what a crazy chase we live....

Now...Downward Facing Dog...and...Hoooold.....ZIPPPPP

This is not news to some, maybe just to me...

I started thinking (while standing in a gas station, waiting to pay)
I saw a gift card for gas:
Thoughts In order:

• 1st: Cool, give the gift of fuel in these tough times.

• 2nd: These gas prices keep going up...my gift unless used right away is going to be worth less fuel then when I bought it...strange

• 3rd: What the fuck is with all these gift cards everywhere, clothes stores, super markets, gas stations, super stores, Quic-kee marts? Who in the hell gives someone a gift card to 7-11?

• Why are these everywhere? Follow the money, who would benefit?

• So you give your cash money to some corporation you get a piece of plastic, they have your money, they deposit your money in their bank, they earn interest on your money, your gift card recipient hold on to it for X amount of time, all the while they are earning money on your money.
  

• At the same time, the corporation is buying things to sell and making a profit (all for that, no issues, good business plan) however they are now able to buy things with the money that you have freely given them to earn interest on, so in reality they are buying things for EVEN less or even for free, and selling them back to you or in this case your friend, wherein they make another profit...And they don't even give you your change...

• I wonder how many gift cards are out there, with 1 and 2 dollars "change" left over, just sitting in their bank earning interest....hmmmm
  

The long and short of it is, that you would be better off financially if you took the time to get your gift recipient an actually gift...its worth more and in a lot of ways.

But what do I know?

Fresh Camel for sale...Only 1 Owner.....a little old lady only use him once a week...Camel for sale....

But I love you.....

Sometimes I think that life is like ANY movie from the 70's:
1. Poorly filmed
2. Shitty Dialog
3. One take shots
4. Lack of Continuity
5. No Plot
6. No Script
And ringing in at number 7. No budget

Just Lean Back Now

Over the last few...well since August 13 2005, I have tried and tried again to relay a simple message. I hope that you have seen fit to understand what that message is.
It's there amongst the 76,896,000 seconds that have passed by since we first met. We have eaten and drank through 890 days and if you've been attentive and had your thinking cap on...the clarity of it all is evident.
It is not so hidden that with a few hurried and definite cleansing brush strokes you would not see how very bright it is.
With all this being said or translated for you... and with the hope that I hold for you, I offer a challenge...I take that back: I offer a reward, a monetary supplemental offering for the one person that can convincingly express what that message is. I would think that a paragraph would suffice. The amount will be directly proportional to the quality of response.

OP9J
CBT Inc.

Contest ends April 1st 2008.
Same Canadian Rules apply